Criminal Cinema-Movie Reviews

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Criminal Cinema Archive-Film Showings

Past Events

Thursday May 29th
@THE FOX CINEMA
2321 Main St. Vancouver
8 pm
Admission $12.00

The Criminal Cinema and Todd Tomorrow present
RETURN TO PORNO CHIC V:
DISCO DOLLS IN 3-D!!!


Come to the notorious Fox Cinema for some good ol' T&A '70's style --
SIT IN THE SEATS WHERE ACTUAL PERVERTS HAVE SAT BEFORE YOU!
IMAGINE THEIR UNSPEAKABLE DEEDS AS YOU GET DRUNK ON CHEAP R&B BEER AND TAKE IN THE NAUGHTY 3-DIMENSIONAL PLEASURES OF THE INIMITABLE DISCO DOLLS!!!
3-D glasses supplied courtesy of Black Dog Video
$12 tickets available at the door


TORTURE GARDEN 2003 SCHEDULE!

ouch!

SATURDAY APRIL 26th
THE 3rd ANNUAL CINEMUERTE TORTURE GARDEN!
Where you don't pay to get in...YOU PAY TO GET OUT!!!!
at the Video In Studios (1965 Main St.)
8pm - 6am


Price starts at $20 and goes down $1 every hour you stay —
stay all night and pay only $5!

CineMuerte’s infamous annual fundraiser rears its ugly head again with this all-new program of shorts, films, rejected TV pilots and music videos that are sure to repel and amuse with equal vigour. Our sexy prison wardens will watching you at all times and will handcuff you for smoke breaks (for a price, of course). Cinemuerte membership required for this event. (available free at the door)


On the schedule this year are:

Slade in Flame
The world’s ugliest band play themselves in this bleak tale of a working-class band who make it to the top of a corrupt business. Full on Slade glam-action.


Corey Haim: Me Myself and I

Corey Haim, fresh out of drug rehab, tries to revitalize his career with this projected TV pilot ALL ABOUT HIMSELF, as though people would care. See Corey ice-skate, laze around in his pool, and give fashion and romance tips. This is the most pathetic thing you will see all year.


Star Trek: the Wrath of Khan (re-imagined)
See what happens when two drunk guys decide to re-dub the entire film with their own voices, music and sound effects.


Deafula
You guessed it, a Dracula film done completely in sign language.

The Last Days of Sid Vicious
A German short film with Sid and Nancy played by babies. Scandalous.

Black Devil Doll From Hell
A repressed bapstist woman buys a ventriloquist’s doll and fantasizes about it ravishing her. When it inevitably comes to life, guess what happens?


Serge Gainsbourg’s Melody Nelson TV Special

Gainsbourg’s concept album comes to life in this half-hour special that features him and Jane Birkin dancing around and being cool in front of the cheapest backdrops ever.


The Devil and Daniel Mouse
Classic '70's Nelvanamation special about a folk singer who sells her soul to the Devil to become a rock star.


Charlie's Family
A workprint of Jim Van Bebber's long-awaited Manson Family docu-drama.


Friday Feb. 28th
The Criminal Cinema Presents:
Harry Nilsson's THE POINT with musical guests
at the Blinding Light Cinema 8pm

Ringo Starr narrates the famed animated feature dreamt up, written and produced by the late Harry Nilsson, based on his album of the same name and featuring the hit song "Me and my Arrow". In a land where everyone and everything has a point, the birth of a pointless child throws the kingdom into an existential crisis that is temporarily resolved by banishing the youngster Oblio and his pet dog (and accomplice) Arrow to the Pointless Forest. On their journey, Oblio and Arrow meet a bizarre stable of characters no doubt inspired by Nilsson's many acid trips. Furthermore, they discover that just because someone says they have a point doesn't mean they do, and sometimes the most seemingly pointless things are the most integral to human existence. A treat for Nilsson aficionados and '70's animation fans alike, THE POINT will be preceded by a musical performance in memory of this visionary artist.

Saturday and Sunday March 29th/30th
The Criminal Cinema Presents:
CANDY VON DEWD

At the Blinding Light Cinema 8pm

In th
e 22nd century, mankind faces extinction: radioactive waste, ozone depletion, genetic engineering, tight polyester pants, and other forms of bio-plunder have wrecked the genome and abolished scores of nature's laws, and worldwide fertility rates are dropping. Scientists fear that at the present rate procreative feasability will not last into the 23rd century. 174 'Rocket Leroy' expeditions now search the galaxy. their mission: to locate seedable life forms and a possible solution to Humankind's fertility problem. Join us for the Canadian premiere of this latex-clad Barbarella-style opus of sci-fi punk and Amazonian erectronica."Like Scott Walker and Serge Gainsbourg collaborating on Dark Star" (Kier-La Janisse)

SATURDAY APRIL 26th
THE 3rd ANNUAL CINEMUERTE TORTURE GARDEN!
Where you don't pay to get in...YOU PAY TO GET OUT!!!!
at the Video In 8pm - 6am

Anyone who's missed Cinemuerte's annual fundraising movie marathon knows full well by now to not let another year pass by without taking in the Torture Garden's cavalcade of perversions. We brought you 'Steve Vai's Greatest Fan', 'Mad Foxes' and 'Pink Slip'. This year, we have a whole new bevy of insane cinematic treats that will test both your gag reflexes (one of our own volunteers threw up last year) and your secret lust for Corey Haim. Provided you have a Blinding Light membership (available at the door for a mere $3), you just walk in -- and see how long you can last. prices start at $20 and go down $1 every hour you stay. Anyone left at the end pays only $5 and has a chance to win something or other.

 

FILM FESTIVALS


 

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